You Don’t Have to Accept Men’s Porn Consumption

All the time I see women on the internet and even people I know who have caught their boyfriend watching porn and are split about what to do. It is infuriating and breaks my heart. I just have to rant about it.

Typically, the story is that the woman asked early in the relationship if her boyfriend watches porn and his response “no, never” or “not while in a relationship”. Then, she finds out that he actually does watch porn, through becoming suspicious and searching his things or coming across it accidentally. In the first discovery case, everyone dogpiles on the woman telling her that she is horrible and controlling for invading his privacy and that she should leave him because he deserves so much better. If she found it accidentally, the response is more along the lines of: ‘unless it’s hurting your relationship, you should just let it go’, ‘it’s just a fantasy, he’s not going to leave you for a bunch of pixels’, ”it sucks, but that’s just nature! All guys watch porn.’ or even ‘try watching it with him!’.

If she goes through his things, fair enough, she did invade his privacy, and that’s not right either, but to act like that absolves the guy of all sins and saying that he deserves better is ridiculous. I find it hard to blame the women for their actions in most cases, as it begins to really hurt their relationship in many ways but he just continues to deny it. I guess she could just leave if she is suspicious, but it’s easier said than done. You don’t want to believe that kind of thing is true. Then there’s the dismissiveness in other cases. Everyone just waves away the fact that he fucking lied to her. Other than the fact the he broke her trust first… If a woman says she doesn’t want to be in a relationship with someone who watches porn and you lie to her about it, you are tricking her into a relationship she doesn’t want to be in! Weather the reason is personal or political doesn’t even matter. She can break up with you over what you ate for supper last night. It doesn’t matter how stupid it seems to you. She chooses under what conditions she has a relationship. You don’t get to make that choice.

The reluctant women who have learned to accept it makes me so sad. It always comes off as just so hopeless to me. “It hurts, but boys will be boys. You learn to live with it eventually.“. That they are supposed to willingly accept men objectifying women and using them and contributing to the abuse and trafficking and grooming is just disgusting. There are men who actually don’t watch porn. There are men who will stop watching porn when they find out how harmful it is. Why would you want to be with someone who is ok with not only hurting you, but hurting all women? You don’t have to settle for an asshole!

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2 thoughts on “You Don’t Have to Accept Men’s Porn Consumption

  1. This is exactly how I feel and why I began my blog a few weeks ago. I literally have a similar post. I found your friends comment about triggers interesting. All the transwomen complaining about the hats and terms being triggering seem to fail to grasp how triggering Donald Trump’s comments were to women who went through puberty and entered a world of groping and sexual assault. It’s like, whose trigger matters more. For trans women it will always be their triggers, and I agree that modern liberal Feminism has been taken over by Trans rights and is no longer a women’s rights movement. And I absolutely agree with you about so called sex work.

    Liked by 1 person

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